That day (The full conversation)
"You should get ready for a wedding," my father said quietly.
"I don't understand. What do you mean by wedding? Who's getting married, Dad? Weren't we just talking about Grandpa a while ago? What's this about marriage?"
I was stunned.I wanted to play dumb and pretend I didn't understand as much as I can because love and marriage were things I'd long stopped thinking about.It was too much of a luxury for me. I wasn't ready.I never was. I never thought I will ever be.
Seeing disbelief written all over my face, he looked at me, the stern look on him would've scared upon sight as he continued , "Erin, please do this for Grandpa. His last wish was to see your husband before he… before he passes. he said he wants to leave you in safe hands when he's longer there for you. He's not getting any younger Erin, neither am I." His voice trembled slightly. "I know you still can't move on from Harris, but don't you think he'd want what's best for you? Don't you think he'd want you to move on?"
His words cut deep.He didn't realize what they did to me.He was grieving too, but I never thought he'd bring that name up, Harris.The one person who once held my heart in a way. But maybe… maybe God loved him more than I ever could.
Tears slipped down my cheeks the moment I heard his name.I wiped them away quickly, forcing myself to stand tall.Maybe there was truth in what my father said maybe there was some truth in his words.But still, I wasn't ready not that I'll ever be in this life.
I turned to the door, holding back another tear.
"Send my greetings to Grandpa, Dad," I said softly.As my actions right after was on impulse without careful thought
"And… I'll be taking a few months off. Pray that I find the one by then."
I gave him a faint, fake smile before closing the door. I needed time off from this, from this situation, from this place, there's no use of me staying just to hurt myself all over. Abuse of power? Maybe, but I've dedicated all my years hear without leave so I think I deserve a long break.
He didn't stop me not that it would matter. Maybe he understood. Now all I could think about was Grandpa's wish and how much I regretted walking away so easily. But due to my pride, I didn't turn back. I just couldn't.
He only wanted what was best for me for my future.I just hope… I made the right decision.For him...and for myself.
The next morning…
It was 6:30 a.m. I hadn't slept at all after praying. Now, I stood on the balcony, the wind brushing my hair as the first light of dawn painted the sky.
I smiled faintly, staring upward, and whispered, "Forgive me, Harris… I guess I couldn't keep my promise to you after all."
A tear slid down my cheek as the memories flooded back.As much as it hurt, I knew I needed to let go of the past. Everyone is forcing me to move forward and deep down, I understood why.
Grandpa had always wanted to see my wedding. He adored Harris, always calling him the one meant for me. He was so happy then. But who would have thought… he would die on the day of our wedding?
Since that moment, something inside me broke. Maybe I don't deserve to be with him. Maybe I don't deserve to be with anyone.
After that accident… I was never the same again. A part of me died that day.
---
I got myself ready and decided to visit Grandpa. Maybe, just maybe, I was hoping I could change his mind. I'm not ready for commitment, not after what happened. It left a huge scar for me, and I don't want it to history to repeat itself. As I was leaving, my phone rang, and I wasn't surprised to see who was calling. It was my best friend, Fei Sha. She must be worried. I forgot to tell her I took a day off well, a few months, to be exact but I didn't know if it was a wise decision.I was never this impulsive!
"Hey, Fei, how are you?" I knew why she called, but I wanted to beat around the bush. I didn't want to tell her I was going to search for a husband. That's just weird.
"Erin, don't 'hey' me. You know why I called. I was on my way to your office when Dr. Heiri told me you're on leave, and six months is not a short amount of time. You can't just leave without explanation. Are you okay, Erin? You know I'll have your back. Can't you at least tell me what's going on... I feel lonely without you," she exclaimed, and by the tone of her voice, I could tell she was worried.
"Fei, I was called to the lion's den yesterday, and what he said wasn't really good news. It's bad, Fei, really bad. My grandfather's on his deathbed, and he wants me to get married stat.Dad said that was his last wish.I don't know, Fei, I'm not ready. I don't want to disobey them, but I don't know what to do now." My voice wasn't clear, I was on the verge of crying. Knowing that Grandpa might leave me soon and remembering Harris was one of my breaking points.
"Erin, I didn't call to hear you cry. I was just worried sick. You never took a single leave for yourself, not even once since we started working. You'd rather stay at the hospital for a week rather than take a break. I promise I'll come as soon as possible, okay? For now, just wait for me, and remember, Erin, you can count on me. Don't stress out, you know that's not what he would have wanted, Rose." As she tried to ease me, I felt a bit calmer than before. No wonder she's my best friend, she knows me best.
"I don't know, Fei, what he would have wanted. I'm going to visit Grandpa afterwards. I hope he would change his mind. I'll be waiting for you tonight, Fei... I can't help but think that I'm such a burden to you." I was hoping he would change his mind, but the chances were small but not zero. The least I could do was try. I had to try.I won't give up without putting up a fight.I could go back to the hospital right after if he does change his mind.
"No, Erin, you were never a burden to me. You're more like family. I care for you because I want to. I wish the best for you, Rose. I have to end the call now; Freya's calling. Guess I have an appointment. Bye, Erin," she said as she ended the phone call. I didn't have time to respond before it ended. I guess she was in a hurry.
I started the car engine and began to drive. It was supposed to be a two-hour ride, but I really needed to see him. It wasn't just to change his will but also to see him. I was so worried that I didn't realize I was driving at 175 km/h. I slowed down and tried to calm myself at the same time. Before I knew it, I arrived at the hospital. I hadn't expected it to be this close. I parked my car and went to the main entrance. In the end, I wasn't at all ready to face him.