"No! I will not let it slide Joe, she went too far this time. Too far!."
I can hear Sean's voice from outside my room. He probably doesn't know I'm awake yet but I don't think I want him to know. I don't know how long it's been since I've been out but the pain in my arm feels like a hundred needles was placed inside my flesh, the pounding pain in my head so strong and unwavering. I can't move even if I tried so it's best I just lay still like the useless hunk of human junk that I am.
Thinking back to the test, a tear slides down my eyes causing my head to ache even more but I don't have the strength to hold my tears in, just like I didn't have the strength to resist Sean's hypnosis. It was all a test and he didn't really say those things but he did, those words are engraved in my head and I can't get rid of them.
Seeing Dylan again opened up an already healing wound, broke an already mending heart. He's dead and I doubt it's possible for a dead person to hate but our last moments wasn't exactly the best. He stabbed himself at the last minute but I initiated everything, I caused everything. I'm despicable and disgusting. Miranda was right too, I know nothing about love. She committed an atrocity for love, Dylan went against his family for love and all I could do for the one I claimed to love was put a knife through his heart.
"You shouldn't," Sean's voice so close to me startles me and I flinch, increasing the pounding in my head. "Don't wallow in self pity and guilt anymore."
He smiles a little and wipes my tear with his thumb, sitting beside me on the bed.
"How are you feeling?" He asks examining my arms that wrapped in bandages, my blood soaking it. "How's your arm?".
"You shouldn't." I say to him and he frowns in confusion, "don't talk so casually as if nothing's happened. I shouldn't wallow in self pity and guilt? You think it's easy? You think I could just wake up and hold my head up high pretending nothing happened?."
"No." He responds, "you can't pretend even if you tried and I'm not asking you to. Hurt, guilt, regret, they're feelings we all encounter but you shouldn't let it get the better of you. Brooding changes nothing, absolutely nothing."
"You're smooth with words," I say, getting even more pissed, "how about you wear my shoes first, huh?"
"Your shoes?" He chuckles, "that'd be bliss."
"What?" I ask confused.
"I'd rather wear and walk in your shoes, than take a mere glance at mine." Huh? What could possibly be worse than what I'm going through right now? I doubt I can survive anything slightly more than this.
"I'm kidding," he says after few seconds and laughs, "you should have seen your face! It was like this." He pauses his laughter and mimicks my shocked face before continuing his fit and calming down after few seconds of me staring at him like an alien. He was obviously not joking and even if he was, I don't have it in me to laugh.
"Crystal," he takes my hand in his gently, "I thought I had lost you. When I noticed she wasn't really with us, I panicked and for the first time I lost my cool in front of everyone and when I saw her on top of you with a bloodied knife, I feared. I feared you had left." He pauses and looks into my eyes, his eyes glistening with held back tears. "I feared I had been left alone, again."
I've always known Sean to switch moods real quick but this is just drastic. He looks so sad and vulnerable, a state I never thought I could see the mighty Sean in and the fact that he's this way because of me is just unnerving. Does he really love me? I can't reciprocate his feelings if he does but do I really have a choice? He feared he'd be left alone again, did he have someone before? Was it Betty? Ah, Betty, It's been so long since I thought about her. I wonder how she's holding up. She must really hate me right now.
"Well," he sighs and let's go of my hand, "you're here now, alive. You passed." I know exactly what he means by that and I also know my choices are limited but, I have a lot of questions to ask. I try to sit up but pain shoots through out my whole arm and my headache triples.
"Hey," he says with so much concern, "you shouldn't move much. Here, close your eyes." He says and I cock an eyebrow but he gives me a look that closes my eyes instantly. He could be really scary sometimes. I feel his finger on my forehead and immediately, an energy flows through me taking me back to when we first met in that strange forest. I was at the brink of death and he did the same thing, restoring life back to my body and strengthening me. He was so scary back then with his black cloak and threats but right now, he's the safest person to be with.
Few seconds pass and he withdraws his hand, the pain in my body going away as well. My head, my arm, my entire body feels as good as new and I open my eyes to see him smiling.
"How do you feel now?" He asks and I sit up without feeling the tiniest of pain in my body, just as I was before the test.
"What are you?" I ask hungry for answers, I can only hope he feeds my curiosity. He smirks and stands, snapping his fingers so a bottle of water appears in front of me, notifying me of how thirsty I really am. He stays quiet looking out through the window as I gulp down a generous amount of the refreshing liquid.
"I'm curious Sean," I say with all seriousness, "if I'm going to be queen or whatever I have to know some things, even just a little. I don't know where I am nor why everything that happened, occurred in the first place. I stay in this room all day, eating food that appears from thin air, attend meetings with you, go through a test to be a queen, I have to marry you and I don't even have the faintest idea of anything at all. That has to be the most absurd thing Sean, and I'm not ready to venture into anything I'm not fully prepared for." I wanna say I won't make the same mistake I made with Dylan but I end it there.
"There's a limit to things I can tell you Crystal," he turns to me, "but if it's answers you want, you'll have them."
At this point, a thousand questions flood my head but a tiny voice at the back of my mind tells me I'm not ready yet. I wonder when I'll ever be ready if not now. It's either now or never. Deciding to start with my previous question, I prepare my mind and heart for whatever information he would offer, hopefully it'd be tangible enough to understand my predicament.
"What are you?"