Chapter 18: The Potion Matriarch and the Not-So-Subtle Pitch
If there was one thing Clementine didn't mind about getting all her bones broken once a day, it was the part that came after.
At the moment, she was lying on a mat in the training hall, limbs splayed like a defeated spider, her expression somewhere between gritted pain and fond irritation.
"Left elbow. Tibia. Two ribs. And I think you dislocated my… something," she muttered through clenched teeth.
Naruto, who was crouched beside her in his usual sunbeam-bright manner, raised a hand glowing with warm orange chakra.
"Only one rib this time," he said helpfully. "You're improving."
"Oh, fantastic," Clementine drawled. "Maybe next time I'll only lose half my skeleton."
Brian groaned from the next mat over. He looked like he'd been folded in half by a steamroller, and sounded like one too.
"Why do we do this again?"
Naruto pressed a glowing hand to Brian's chest and smiled cheerfully. "Because pain builds character!"
"You've broken my character into pieces," Brian muttered, one eye twitching.
Clementine gave a slow sigh as the warm energy knitted her bones back together. "At least he's consistent. Breaks us. Fixes us. Then gets his own clones to break him next. It's like a very violent trust circle."
Arche, who had been observing with the notepad of someone who watched battles like she watched chemistry, raised a delicate brow.
"Do you always end the day by smashing each other into splinters?"
Naruto didn't even look up. "Only when we're being productive."
She watched him for a moment, then asked curiously, "Are you a doctor, Naruto?"
At that, he blinked. "A doctor? No, not really."
"But you heal people," she said, confused. "You mend bones. You know where all the nerves go. That's… doctor work."
Naruto grinned sheepishly. "I just know the skeletal system, organ layout, and the nervous system. You kinda pick it up when you break as many bones as I do."
He gestured at his own chest. "I've had ribs broken so many times I could play xylophone on them. You learn which pieces go where."
"But… diseases? Infections?"
Naruto scratched his cheek. "Uh, yeah. No. Can't help with those. Someone catches magical chicken pox or gets cursed by a frog spirit, they're on their own."
Arche nodded thoughtfully, still clearly impressed. "Well, you're a brilliant field medic at least."
"Thanks," he said with a grin. "But yeah, we probably should find an actual doctor. Y'know, someone who doesn't punch people as part of the diagnosis."
Clementine chuckled. "Aw, but what fun is that?"
Naruto shrugged. "Come on, Clementine. Just because I reset your spine every day doesn't mean it's a lifestyle."
Brian groaned again. "I'd pay gold for a day without getting tossed like a ragdoll."
"You can pay with push-ups," Naruto quipped.
Arche folded her arms, lips twitching with amusement. "I'll look into finding a proper physician for the group. One who doesn't also use shadow clones to break your limbs in six directions."
"Hey!" Naruto laughed. "My clones are very respectful. Mostly."
"Mostly?" Brian asked, raising a weary hand.
Naruto glanced at the door, where one of his clones leaned casually against the frame, flipping a kunai.
"Okay, no. That one's a little too enthusiastic."
The clone grinned like a predator at a buffet.
Brian sighed. "I hate this family."
Naruto beamed. "You love us."
Arche smiled fondly, watching them all. She did love them. In a slightly exasperated, this-is-a-hazardous-environment kind of way. But still.
Family came in many forms.
Even if half of them were cracked.
Literally.
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"So," Clementine said, stretching her now fully-healed arms with a casual crack, "since we're talking doctors—well, not doctors, but close enough—I actually know a guy."
Naruto raised an eyebrow. "You know a guy?"
Arche paused in her note-taking. "What kind of guy?"
Brian gave a grunt from his mat. "Please tell me it's not another psycho with needles."
Clementine grinned. "Relax, he's not the stabby type. He's a potion boy. Nfirea Bareare. Big glasses, soft voice, constantly looks like he just saw a ghost. Honestly, I was going to kidnap him."
There was a beat of silence.
"...Wait," Naruto said, voice dry as a desert. "You were going to kidnap a pharmacist?"
"Yup," she said brightly, like it was the most natural thing in the world. "Well, before you kidnapped me."
"That wasn't a kidnapping," Naruto protested. "It was… morally-guided repurposing of a wandering menace."
"Semantics," Clementine said with a smirk. "Anyway. Nfirea's a prodigy. Total nerd. Makes some of the best potions I've seen, and I've seen a lot."
Arche tilted her head. "The name sounds familiar…"
Clementine nodded. "He's from E-Rantel. Works under his grandmother—Lizzie Bareare. Now that woman gives me the creeps."
Naruto chuckled. "You? Creeped out?"
"Don't laugh," Clementine warned. "Lizzie's not just your average sweet old lady. She's sharp as a fang and twice as likely to slice your confidence in half with one look. Knows more about alchemy and potion lore than anyone in the kingdom. And she has this... stare."
Clementine shivered dramatically.
Arche was already scribbling. "Lizzie Bareare… senior pharmacist… piercing gaze… terrifying energy. Noted."
"I met her once when I was casing their shop," Clementine added. "The moment she looked at me, I actually reconsidered the whole kidnapping thing. She's like a bat that sees through lies."
Brian finally sat up, expression skeptical. "So you're saying, instead of stealing the kid, we go ask his grandmother nicely?"
"I'm saying," Clementine replied, "we grovel before the grandma and ask if the boy can help patch up your poor, broken bones."
Naruto scratched his chin thoughtfully. "Actually… that might be worth doing. If he's that good, we could really use a potion expert on call."
"Yeah, yeah. Just don't tell them I was originally going to tie him up and toss him in a bag."
"I'm sure that won't come up," Arche said, eyes twinkling.
"Not unless Lizzie already knows," Brian added, a smirk creeping onto his lips.
Clementine crossed her arms. "You're all laughing now, but wait until she looks you up and down and asks if your intelligence was made in a back alley."
Naruto grinned. "If she's that sharp, we'll get along just fine."
"Great," Clementine said, dusting herself off. "You can go make friends with the bat grandma. I'll stay here with my bones intact."
Brian nudged Naruto. "You think this Lizzie woman can fix our bones before you break them next time?"
"No promises," Naruto said cheerfully. "But it'll be fun finding out."
Arche smiled as she finished her notes. "So, to E-Rantel then?"
Naruto rose to his feet, cloak fluttering in the breeze from an open window. "To E-Rantel. Let's meet this potion boy and the terrifying grandmother."
"And maybe," Clementine said, stretching again, "don't mention the 'kidnapping' part."
"Cross my heart," Naruto said, eyes gleaming mischievously. "It'll be our little secret."
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With a sudden ripple of air, like the world briefly held its breath, Naruto and Arche blinked into existence at the courtyard of their newly claimed mansion in E-Rantel.
Arche landed gracefully, her braid bouncing lightly over her shoulder. Naruto, meanwhile, stumbled half a step forward as if he still hadn't quite gotten used to the way this kind of teleportation tugged at the spine like an overzealous fisherman reeling in a particularly stubborn trout.
"I still don't like that feeling," he muttered, adjusting his jacket as if teleportation had wrinkled his dignity. "It's like being stuffed into a scroll and shaken for flavor."
Arche giggled. "You'll get used to it."
Naruto didn't answer right away. His eyes drifted upward toward the golden-orange sky, where the sun had begun dipping behind E-Rantel's tiled roofs. The warm glow brushed against the garden's high hedges and stone statues—one of which Clementine had already "modified" with an eyepatch and a mustache.
He sighed, not at the statue, but at the thought that always hovered behind his smiles like a ghost in a picture frame.
"The Sage of Six Paths gave me this," Naruto said at last, tapping the kunai-shaped seal glinting faintly in his palm. "Fuinjutsu from my father. Teleportation markers. Knowledge he said would help me here."
Arche tilted her head, watching him as he turned the kunai over thoughtfully in his fingers. There was more weight in that metal than just chakra.
"It's… beautiful craftsmanship," she said gently.
"He didn't give it out of kindness," Naruto said, a wry smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "It was a bribe."
"A bribe?"
Naruto snorted, flopping onto the wide stone steps of the mansion like someone who had just returned from too many memories. "He wanted me to stay out of the way. Said I wasn't the right fit anymore. That someone else would take over for me back home."
Arche blinked, walking over and sitting beside him. "But you were a hero, weren't you?"
He gave a soft, tired chuckle. "I still am… just not there." He glanced sideways at her. "And the worst part? After two weeks in this world… I get it. I really do."
Arche didn't interrupt. She knew that tone. The sort of voice that came when someone didn't want comfort, just company.
"I used to be forgiving," Naruto went on. "Too forgiving. I'd smile, nod, and shake hands with people who stabbed me in the back two days earlier. I thought that was the right thing to do." He paused. "But… I'm not that boy anymore. If the Kyuubi had killed my parents and I found out in the middle of a war, I probably wouldn't have worked with him in a week either."
The silence that followed wasn't heavy—just thoughtful.
"So you understand the Sage's choice," Arche said slowly.
Naruto nodded. "Yeah. But I still hate that he just blew me away. Like I was a piece on a shogi board getting shoved aside for a shinier piece."
"You were the strongest piece on the board," she said.
He smiled at that. "Thanks. I needed that."
Then he stood, the sunset painting his hair gold. "But hey, silver lining? I've got a mansion, two chaos goblins in the form of twins, a sadist trying not to be one, a swordsman who finally remembers how to smile, and a brilliant scholar who still thinks I'm someone worth following."
Arche flushed slightly but didn't look away.
Naruto scratched the back of his head. "So yeah. Sage of Six Paths can go sit on a pinecone. I'll make this world my home. And I'll protect it my way."
She stood beside him, chin held high. "Then let's go meet the pharmacist and his terrifying grandmother."
He gave a grin that could've lit up the whole street.
"Let's. But if the grandma throws potions, I'm hiding behind you."
Arche smirked. "Deal. I have a better dodge stat anyway."
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The horse clopped steadily down the cobbled streets of E-Rantel, its hooves echoing off tightly packed stone buildings and high-arched windows. The breeze carried the scent of dried herbs, baking bread, and a faint trace of something that smelled suspiciously like pickled radishes.
Naruto sat tall in the saddle, trying (and mostly failing) to look respectable instead of like someone who'd prefer sprinting across rooftops. Arche sat behind him, her arms looped politely around his waist, reading a small pocket notebook with keen interest. The city bustled around them, but their destination loomed quietly between a cheese shop and a lantern-maker's stall: a modest little building with a painted wooden sign.
Bareare's Pharmacy
—Est. Who-Knows-How-Long Ago. Just Take the Potion. Stop Asking.
Naruto blinked at it. "Charming."
"They're known for being the best," Arche murmured, flipping her book shut. "Not for customer service."
He dismounted with an easy hop, then helped her down with a smile. The second they pushed open the door, a small bell jingled—loudly. Offensively. As if to announce: You Are Now on Grandma Lizzie's Turf. Beware.
The scent hit them instantly—sharp rosemary, alcohol, bitter roots, and something vaguely volcanic.
Behind the polished counter stood a young man with sandy-brown hair and a perpetually nervous smile. He nearly dropped the vial he was holding when he looked up.
"N-Naruto? Miss Arche?" Nfirea Bareare squeaked, eyes wide behind his round spectacles.
Before Naruto could even throw a casual wave, the curtain behind the boy was yanked aside, and she emerged.
Lizzie Bareare. Small, wiry, with white hair coiled like a stubborn snake and eyes that looked like they could pierce through one's soul—and politely comment on how disorganized it was.
She didn't so much greet them as scan them.
"Well?" she snapped, arms crossed. "You here for a cure, a complaint, or a contract?"
"Er… well, we came to talk," Naruto said, hands raised in peace. "We wanted to—"
"Then talk faster," she barked. "Time doesn't pause because you've got good hair."
Arche cleared her throat, stepping forward with that calm, bookish poise that made people listen even if she was quoting ancient fungus regulations.
"We've been dealing with high-risk combat situations," she began. "We're forming a team with heavy engagement against magical creatures. Your shop's reputation precedes you. We'd like to request your expertise as our primary medical support—if you're willing."
Lizzie blinked once.
Then twice.
She turned her gaze slowly toward Nfirea, who stood rigid like a cornered rabbit.
"No adventurer group has ever asked me that," she said flatly.
Naruto gave his best hopeful grin. "Yeah, well, we're not your average group."
"No," Lizzie muttered, her gaze now flicking to Naruto's whisker marks. "You're a mage with too much brawn and a girl with too many brains."
"That's… not entirely wrong," Arche admitted, blinking.
Lizzie leaned one hand on the counter. "Look, children. This isn't a battlefield. It's a pharmacy. I don't do fieldwork. I do real work—diagnosis, brewing, handling idiotic side effects from love potions, and keeping that boy from blowing up the storeroom."
Nfirea squeaked, "That was one time—"
"Silence, child."
Naruto held up a hand. "We get it. Honestly, we do. But we're not asking you to ride into battle on a wyvern. We just want someone who knows what they're doing—when things go south."
"I already told half the kingdom," Lizzie snapped, "they can come to me when they're broken, poisoned, or halfway to the afterlife. I don't chase problems. You bring them here."
Arche hesitated. "That would work… but what if someone needs help immediately and can't come here?"
"Then they'll die dramatically," Lizzie said with a shrug. "Which is what most adventurers do anyway."
Naruto blinked, then laughed despite himself. "You're seriously one of a kind."
Lizzie narrowed her eyes at him. "And you're serious trouble."
He gave a thumbs-up. "That's the nicest thing anyone's said to me all day."
The pharmacist finally huffed and waved them off with one gnarled hand. "If you want my help, bring me problems, not speeches. You want a check-up, an antidote, or something to make your spleen behave, then we'll talk. Until then, I'm not following you around like some sprightly alchemist on a leash."
"Understood," Arche said with a small bow. "Thank you for your time."