The monkey flipped through the air, landing on a low branch above me. Its tiny fists were clenched. Its eyes gleamed with mischief.
"Okay… okay… I can handle this," I muttered, brandishing my fists. "Just don't—"
WHAM!
The monkey swung a fruit like a tiny meteor, smacking me square in the chest. I stumbled backward, coughing, my dignity vanishing faster than my energy bar in a bad video game.
The system screamed:
---
[HOST! USE ENVIRONMENTAL INTERACTION!]
---
"What? How am I supposed to—oh. THAT."
I grabbed a vine and swung it like a lasso, trying to catch the monkey mid-air. It squealed, spun, and somehow landed on my shoulder. I froze, my neck a battlefield of tiny claws.
The raptor screeched encouragement—or maybe laughter. Hard to tell.
The monkey jabbed at my ear. "HEY!"
The system chimed aggressively:
---
[Monkey's Strength: 7/10. Agility: 99/10. Annoyance: 9000/10. Targeting Host's Pride: MAX.]
[Recommended Strategy: Throw snacks. Or accept emotional defeat.]
---
I scanned the area. Fruits. Yes. Fruits everywhere. I grabbed the nearest one and hurled it at the monkey.
It screeched, dodged, and the fruit smashed into the raptor's face.
"…OH COME ON!" I yelled.
The raptor shook it off and glared at the monkey. That's right. Team poop-powered beast was ready to assist.
The monkey froze for a split second—long enough for me to grab another fruit. This one, perfectly aimed, landed square on its tiny head.
The monkey staggered, dazed. I lunged forward, pinning it gently.
"Alright… we talk."
The monkey glared at me, chest heaving, tiny fists shaking. And then… it slowly reached out… and offered me a fruit.
The system blinked:
---
[Dominance Trial Complete]
[Primal Tree‑Screamer now considers you a worthy rival.]
[Option: Attempt Taming Contract?]
---
I looked at the tiny, furious monkey. Then at the raptor. Then back at the monkey.
"…Fine. We can try this."
I tapped YES.
A golden light shimmered. The monkey froze mid-squeal, wide-eyed.
The system pinged:
---
[CONTRACT COMPLETE]
You have tamed: Primal Tree‑Screamer (Monkey Variant)
Title Earned: Banana Wielder of Doom
Combat synergy with Velociraptor: +12% chaos output
---
I collapsed to the ground.
"Okay… fine. I'm a ridiculous master now. Poop-powered, dinosaur-led, monkey-commanding… what could go wrong?"
The raptor chirped. The monkey squeaked. And the forest… somehow got even quieter, as if nature itself was questioning its life choices.